


Altered Shades of Blue

by DreamyScience



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies), 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Dark, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, I'm putting this here, M/M, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Polyamory, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, There will be warnings at the beginning of every chapter, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse, dark themes, supportive friendships, this is not a light fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21782767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamyScience/pseuds/DreamyScience
Summary: Annie was his first.She was slowly becoming his everything.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Hange Zoë/Levi, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert
Comments: 31
Kudos: 47





	1. Light

**Author's Note:**

> \- PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING -
> 
> Hi.
> 
> This is me warning all of you now that this fic is going to take on and address some extremely serious issues. It handles some extremely dark themes. I plan to make sure that it has a happy ending, but we have a long way to go before we get there. I plan to take all issues presented in this fic just as seriously as they actually are.
> 
> This fic is in no way for the light of heart, the freshly wounded, or for -and I use this word in all seriousness- the easily triggered by mentions of any kind of abuse, emotional manipulation, suicide, depression, or toxic relationships. I do not plan to put any graphic depictions of sexual violence, rape, or sex scenes in general. The reason for the rating are the other extremely heavy issues that are going to be expressed throughout the entire thing. 
> 
> I repeat, please turn away from this now if you are easily hurt, or triggered by any of these things.
> 
> For my friends out there reading this that are experiencing abuse of any kind, that you can see or feel, I know that it's difficult, and it can be confusing, and it can be nothing less than fucking terrifying. If you can find someone you trust to talk to, and help you get out of there, find them, and talk to them, and get yourself out of there. No matter what your abuser may tell you, or do to you, you are a human being who deserves respect, love, and happiness, it doesn't matter who you are. If they are guilting or gas-lighting you, know that you do not owe them anything. If you can get yourself free, then leave, without hesitation. If you are seeing abuse involving someone that you deeply care about, do not keep quiet about it, if you can help them get out of their situation, please do not hesitate to do that.
> 
> For those of you who feel trapped, and like the darkness is never ending, know that there are plenty of people out here who have felt your pain, and want to make sure that you never feel it again. You will meet them in time. Remember that you are not alone. That darkness and fear will not last forever. Keep holding on until you can be free.
> 
> For those of you who still feel the pain, after some time of finally being free, if you're like me where you're no longer in your prison, but you feel as though your chains are still on, know that overtime, you are capable of healing. You are capable of no longer feeling those things, and now that you are out of there, there are brighter days ahead. You are strong, you have your own personal power back even if it seems snuffed right now, and you do have the potential to be happy because you definitely deserve happiness.
> 
> For those of you wondering, yes I am a survivor, and I'm happy everyday that I am no longer in the position that I once was. This fic is something very close to my heart, and I wanted to be genuine with all of you and let you know that it's something I started to write because I feel strongly about it, and the idea just happened to pop up in my head in the form of whatever this is.
> 
> I'm going to put one more warning here at the bottom, and multiple warnings at the beginning of each chapter. I repeat this fic is heavy and will address some very serious, and extreme issues. Please do not proceed if you are unable to handle things like this. You are more than valid, and you are not weak for turning away. Prioritize your own mental health over missing out on some fic that's probably a heap of trash anyway. 
> 
> You are important, and should treat yourself as such.
> 
> Thank you. I hope you all enjoy this despite all that.

Annie wasn’t always like this.

Things started the way he’d hoped it would, even if it were all greatly unexpected for him.

A girl like her noticing a guy like _him_?

Armin always considered himself small, feeble, uninteresting. He figured he was also borderline unattractive in most people’s eyes.

He was always standing next to more beautiful people, more interesting looking, and overall talented people.

Eren had his captivating green blue eyes, his perfect olive skin, his warm dark brown hair. He was always wearing the latest clothes, the newest accessories, not mention he was built like an ox. Muscles on top of muscles, abs on top of abs; in comparison to Armin who could barely lift 20 lbs without straining himself. He’d be lucky if he saw any level of definition develop on his arms. He was working on it but, he figured he just didn’t have the genes.

Mikasa wasn’t much different from Eren in terms of physical features, she also had muscles on top of muscles, and abs on top of abs, and a nothing less than beautiful face to match all of that. Men and women were always stopping to stare at her whenever she’d walk past. She started growing her hair again, it was reaching down her back, with a natural wave that people typically pay hundreds to get at a salon. She just wakes up in the morning, and it comes out like that. She was born a queen, a goddess.

You could say he was pretty surprised at the kind of attention he was being given, considering he was always standing next to these two but never standing out. He always felt so unimportant and pathetic next to them. What did Armin have? A _brain_? He definitely prides himself on his intelligence but, it’s not something that would make him stand out or get noticed. No one knows all the top scores at the school. Everyone’s too afraid to even look at their own possibly failing grades.

Him. Out of so many other people. Annie had told him that “she wanted him”.

Stunned by these recent developments, but not so stunned that his brain _completely_ stopped functioning, he was bold enough to ask “why?”

She had him pressed against the wall, a deep pink blush covering his face, he couldn’t meet her eyes. They looked everywhere but couldn’t reach hers.

Annie was breathtaking too. Her light blue eyes were expansive and deep like the ocean, or maybe the sky. Her lips always a soft shade of pink. Her blonde hair was always pinned up, but when she wore it down, she looked like some kind of super model, or a celebrity that was just out of place in their small town, in their small school. Her looks intimidated him. So did the tone she was taking on with him, it was nothing less that coquettish, and borderline dripping with desire. He was surprised at how it could make him feel.

“I think you’re cute. Smart. And overall my type.” She plays with a strand of his chin-length blonde hair, he could feel her eyes giving him a different kind of look, one that indicated attraction. One that indicated want. He didn’t have to look because he could feel it. It left him confused, overwhelmed with attraction in return, but mostly confused.

“I never thought I’d be someone’s-” He starts quietly, “Uh … I don’t really k-know how to respond.”

She yanks his face to look at her, a little rougher than he was expecting. The grip that she had on his chin slightly hurt.

“Just say you want me too.” She was forcing him to look at her now. He felt fear, but he also felt excitement at the gesture. He felt flattered. _Desired_.

The only thing that could come out of his mouth after that was a soft,

“O-oh okay.”

Annie releases her grip and smiles at him. Not hiding the fact that she was also staring at his lips.

She then turns to look down the hallway. Armin’s eyes follow where she’s looking to see Eren and Mikasa standing at the end of it.

Eren had a big smirk on his face. He gave him a small thumbs up.

Mikasa looked less than pleased. Actually … borderline _pissed_ was the best way to describe it.

It wasn’t any secret that she didn’t like Annie after the fight that she had to break up between her and Eren. Eren had challenged her to a wrestling match during a free time gym period that he didn’t expect her to take up. He was just bored and feeling destructive as usual. It started out as a funny joke, but then Annie took it too far after she had her arm around his throat, pressing against his windpipe. Eren was still trying to win against her, still committed to the wresting match, but he’d repeatedly told her to stop, his cries fading as they all watched his eyes close. Some people slowly approaching to break up the fight.

The second Mikasa noticed, she went over and nearly ripped Annie’s arms off while removing her from Eren. She body slammed her, and then twisted her arm around to her back in a way that looked nothing less than painful and said:

“ _No one_ hurts my brother like that. He asked you to stop. The next time you try something like this, I’ll make sure that _you’re_ the one running out of air.”

No one challenged Mikasa. She was a beauty with high-ranking in three different types of martial arts. Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and Judo. Many people were highly aware that she was more than capable of killing someone if she really had to.

Eren had to hold her back and tell her it was okay. He reassured her that it was all in good fun. He just lost, that’s all. Ever since that day whenever she saw her, Mikasa didn’t hesitate to shoot her the evil eye. Annie always silently returned it.

Annie releases Armin but doesn’t stop looking over at Mikasa specifically, meeting her glare.

Armin can’t bring himself to completely look in their direction.

She eventually does look at him again. “We should exchange numbers, you know, so that I can call you later.”

Armin just silently nods and hurriedly pulls out his phone, he hears Annie laugh. It fills his chest with a mixture of warmth and joy.

“You don’t have to be so nervous around me. Really Armin, you’re great.” She softly cups his face and rubs a thumb over his cheek as he pulls out his phone, and hands it to her.

He’s positive that his ears are ringing: He can barely feel his face. He’s left wondering how she can do stuff like that so _easily_.

“I-I’m- uh- th-thank- _thanks_!” He manages to stutter out.

She types in her number and then walks away, looking over her shoulder on last time to mouth the words “ _call me_ ” to him.

He’s still not entirely sure what had just happened.

Mikasa and Eren make their way over to him, Eren still giving him the biggest grin he’d ever seen. He puts his arms around Armin’s shoulders, “You already know that I’m going to ask.”

Armin still can’t look at him, or Mikasa. “Ask a-about what?”

“Come on,” Eren says cheerfully, “We’ll go get something to celebrate, and you can tell us everything then. Unless … Mikasa has any objections.”

Armin finally does look up at her, her scowl disappears, and she looks away blushing.

“I … I have _many_.” She says quietly.

Eren smiles at her too, this time it has just a hint of sadness behind it.

“Let’s go, I’ll pay for your food.”

***

“So, Annie, huh?” Armin had finally finished blushing but turned red again when Eren mentions her name in his suggestive, teasing tone. He and Mikasa are basically snuggled in the corner of a booth where Mikasa was sitting almost protectively close to him. Their arms touching. Eren is across from them, Armin’s hands holding his on the table. It was his attempt at soothing Armin through his shyness since he sometimes genuinely had problems with working through it. It was a bad case of anxiety from a history of being bullied or made fun of for no reason at all other than trying to express himself. Small things like the reassuring touch of someone he trusts always helped him to calm down.

“Y-yeah, she- she came up to me and asked me out today.” It sounded _even more_ like a fever dream to him after saying it out loud.

Eren snorts. “You look like an actual tomato.”

Armin makes a nervous sound and turns redder.

“Eren, he’s shy enough about this. **Tone it down**.” Mikasa commands.

Eren smiles and puts his hands up defensively for a moment before returning them to where Armin’s were, “yeah, yeah I know. Not everyone can be as loud about this kind of thing as Marco, Jean, and I.”

Armin laughs slightly at the comparison and loosens up, “You three are _far_ too loud about it.”

Eren laughs as well. “We know. _So_ ,” he starts while dragging out the “o” part of the word, “what do you think of your new girl?”

Armin pauses for a moment, and then answers honestly, “I’m not really sure, I mean she’s definitely … pretty from like … an objective standpoint …? But I … can’t say I know Annie beyond the level of an acquaintance. I never knew that she was interested in _me_ … I’ve never … really been interested in her but …”

“You think you two can make magic happen?”

“It would be m-my first romantic relationship so,” he smiles happily, “I’m not sure. Maybe.”

Mikasa smiles, it’s a little bittersweet, “Well I’m happy for you because you seem like you want to be happy with her, just know if you need us to get rid of her, we’re also here for that too.”

“Wow Mika. Without hesitation huh- _ouch_!” She kicks him under the table, “I’m just saying Annie seems cool, okay, and like she’s gonna take good care of him! She’s like you, with a bigger nose, and quieter attitude about ripping people apart who fuck with the people you care about.”

“She rubs me the wrong way. You _know_ that. Bad enough she started a fight with you. The last thing I want to see is her hurting Armin in any way too.”

“ _I_ started the fight with her actually. It was worth it,” he smirks, “even if I almost died. I doubt that she’s gonna _hurt_ him. She’s an upstanding young lady. Yeah, she took things a little too far, but I think I had it coming because I couldn’t fucking beat her.”

“I think Eren might be right here Mikasa. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me. I’m not reckless enough to make enemies like him anyway.”

“ _Hey_ -!”

“You know it’s true. You’re even dating one of them now! Didn’t you and Jean _abhor_ each other in the past?” Armin asks while staring him down.

“Well … yeah …” It was Erens turn to blush, “we just … hate each other _differently_ now.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.” Armin retorts.

“You’re not in a position to give him any kind of advice about who he should be dating.” Mikasa adds.

“Look who’s talking _ice queen._ Who’s the one at the table in not only one, but technically two relationships, at the same time. While you noobs haven’t even had one- _OUCH_!” She kicks him again, this time harder, and in his shin.

He growls at her, “ _Why_ did my parents adopt you?!”

“They like me better, and we both know that. At least they don’t have to feel obligated to love me because we’re related by blood.”

He sticks out his tongue at her.

She flips him the bird.

“Eren … you’re not exactly winning here about giving me relationship advice.” He looks between him and Mikasa. “ _All_ of your relationships seem pretty hostile.”

“I’m fine with _Marco_ -!”

“Marco is fine with _everyone._ Pretty sure he’s the only reason you and Jean can even stand to be around each other.”

“Listen! The point is I think Annie and you are going to be really cute okay?! We came here to talk about Armin! Not _roast_ Eren.”

Armin smiles, but rolls his eyes at the same time as Mikasa.

“I think I’m going to like her a lot …” He smiles. “I wish I knew more about her but … I suppose that’s what a relationship is about. Getting to know each other.”

“I just don’t-”

“-Mika.” Eren’s tone is stern and quiet. He was being serious. He shoots her a chastising glare.

Mikasa sighs, her protective mechanisms almost visibly being put away.

“Armin, if you’re happy, then we’re happy.” She says it with a sigh of resignation.

Armin beams in response, “thanks you guys.”


	2. Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING-
> 
> The issues addressed in this fic are not for the light of heart, or easily triggered. Please read the note in chapter 1. Please do not proceed if you are easily triggered or hurt by matters such as physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, or toxic relationships. 
> 
> I will be putting one of these are the beginning of each chapter from here on out. 
> 
> Please turn away now if something like this is too damaging for you. 
> 
> Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy.

Annie wasn’t always like this.

As a matter of fact things started with her being extremely sweet and doting. She was what Armin would consider a really great girlfriend. No, more than that, surprisingly a really good person too. Into a week of dating her he found out that she was involved in three different volunteer programs for three different hospitals. She wanted to enter the medical field. She studied hard, and liked to help her friends study too, but she was a lot more selective that Armin was. She liked to garden, she liked to grow flowers, and even her own fruits and vegetables that she liked to cook with. He found out that her parents were rarely home because they were both doctors who liked to work internationally. They often tried to set her up in the best schools, and encouraged her to make friends, but she spent a lot of her time alone. Reading, or finding new hobbies.

He both worried about and admired the quiet sides of her. She didn’t talk much about her parents other than the type of work that they did. He didn’t try to push beyond what she was visibly comfortable sharing with him.

She used to be extremely gentle and doting. Considerate and accommodating. Every time she made plans to do something fun, she made sure to include Armin in it.

“ _Did you want to go here?_ ” She’d ask if she made plans for him.

“ _Is it okay if I hold you like this?_ ” She’d ask whether they were alone, or in public.

“ _You’re so handsome Armin. I love how you’re pretty at the same time_.” She loved to touch him, and hold him, and be next time. He felt wanted next to her. He felt appreciated.

Despite all of this, Armin noticed when things started to seem a little off.

However, every time something happened, he didn’t think much of it.

Annie was his first.

She was slowly becoming _his everything_.

The times he realized something was going wrong was maybe when she started to feel a little too much like his everything.

Without any of that being his choice.

“We should go see a movie tonight. I have it covered.” Annie was always in his space somehow, somewhere. She always had to be touching some part of him. He found it more adorable than anything. Especially the times she’d look at him and wordlessly ask him to hug her with the emotion in her eyes alone. He was good at reading her energy and could tell that she appreciated it when he did.

They were in his room, on his bed. He was sitting in front of her between her splayed legs. Her arms around his waist, nose buried in his hair as he scrolled through Twitter. He’d gotten his homework done early, as usual, and invited her over. His mom fell in love with her after one meeting, his dad was surprised he was dating, but was happy that he found someone he was interested in nonetheless. They were both fine with her being there when neither of them were.

“Oh, I actually had plans with Eren and Mika today. Maybe Eren’s boyfriends if they want to show up. You should come with us.” He replies in a nonchalant manner.

“Cancel.” She gives a surprisingly quick one-word command in a tone that nothing less than stuns him with how demanding it is. A part of him thinks that it didn’t sound like his sweet, doting, Annie at all.

He pauses for a moment, “uh … but it’s our monthly best friend date night, and I don’t really like skipping out on-”

“So you’d rather skip out on a date with me than them? Am I less important?”

 _What is that supposed to mean_? He wonders.

“No. No of course not- That’s not what I-”

“You can make time for me, can’t you? It’s just one time. I swear.” She pets his hair like she usually does, or at least … it starts like it usually does. It changes though. This time she gets a little heavy handed with it, and is almost yanking it to pull his head back.

“I mean- I mean- I _guess_? … I’ll talk to them about it ... Annie, that kinda … hurts? Can you stop? _Please_.” He starts to pull away from her, she pulls him even closer.

“Sorry, Armin, sorry …” She softens her touch and presses her cheek to the back of his head.

“Th-that’s … alright …” He responds, now feeling to awkward to even look at his phone.

 _Was this a fight_? He wasn’t sure.

“I don’t … know if I want to cancel on them. I already bought a ticket, and we have all been wanting to see this movie together since it was announced so-”

She huffs angrily, stands up, and immediately storms out.

Armin is left sitting on his bed alone blinking after her.

Her lack of touch now felt especially cold.

“S-see you …” He says as a delayed reaction.

***

He didn’t cancel. Mikasa came to pick him up, and take him to the movies. It turns out that both of Eren’s boyfriends did indeed want to come too. Armin honestly liked them both, the two complimented each other weirdly enough with Marco being one of the most genuinely sweet, and nothing less than _adorable_ , people he’d ever met; and Jean, being one of the most devilishly _charming_ people he’d ever met. How Eren managed to actively begin dating them escapes both him and Mikasa. They decided that they would ask for the story another day after Eren came running up to them talking excitedly about how wonderful and hot his “ _two new baes_ ” were. They had honestly heard more than they could ask for after the three started dating.

When they arrived and met they excitedly exchanged hellos.

“Aren’t ya’ll _excited_ to see these _outrageous_ fights?!” Eren exclaims excitedly as they enter the theatre.

“Oh God, calm down Eren. You’ll scare out half the theatre-”

“-Hey, shut up Jean, I have the right to express myself before we get in there-”

“-WHO ARE YOU TELLING TO _SHUT UP_?!” Jean walks up to Eren, and gets right in his face. Eren doesn’t back down from him, if anything he’s sizing Jean up, “YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE BIG ASS MOUTH!”

“YOUR MOUTH IS BIGGER, WHO’S THE ONE SCREAMING RIGHT NOW, HUH?!”

“FUCKING _YOU_ ARE!”

They glare and growl at each other, actually looking like they might be on the brink of a fight, or make-out session, one of the two.

Marco calmly steps between them and holds both of their hands.

“Both of you need to shut the fuck up before I forcibly remove you both from the theatre before we even sit down to watch the movie.” He says it calmly, and with a smile, but a tone that dripped with hidden poison. Both Eren and Jean both visibly back down from each other looking a mixture of afraid and ashamed.

Armin and Mikasa exchange a look, quietly watching all of this go down.

This was going to be one _interesting_ movie.

“If you two hate each other, how exactly does this work?” Armin asks.

“It doesn’t.” Marco deadpans. He looks exhausted when he says it.

Jean sighs exasperatedly, “It works sometimes. Eren’s actually cute when he keeps his mouth shut and acts like a civil human being.”

“What the fuck-” Eren begins, then pauses when he registers the compliment, “Oh … did you just call me cute horse boy?” He gives Jean a smirk.

“Yeah! I did!” Jean is blushing as he slightly shouts at him again, “and _you_ called me _horse boy_ for it! This is why you make me mad!”

“Aw, Jean~y, I’m just playing with you. You’re totally a handsome horse.” Eren moves behind him to wrap his arms around his waist and nuzzle his shoulder.

Jean rubs his hands down his face.

“Marco. I’m being the nice one,” he says while still blushing, “you see me actively choosing to be the nice one.” Eren chuckles quietly behind him.

Marco ignores them, obviously attempting to reclaim what’s left of his declining sanity at the moment. He turns to Armin and Mikasa. Gentle smile plastered on his face. He’s the one person whose eyes Armin never had any problem looking into. They were warm, and gentle, and kind.

“Eren told us that you and Annie started dating. She’s surprisingly nice to talk to when she opens up, and very refreshing compared to the hotheads that I’m around,” He sighs as he shoots a glance at his boyfriends who were now arguing good-naturedly with each other, “I fell a little weird being invited and not seeing her since this _was_ supposed to be a day for you, Mikasa, and Eren.” He rubs the back of his neck shyly.

“We actually love you Marco, so no worries,” Mikasa responds fondly, Marco smiles at her. The man was even capable of breaking through the ice queen’s defenses. What was he?

She turns to Armin, “He makes a good point though. Did you invite Annie?”

“Yeah … I- … I did.” Armin stutters, trails off, rubs at his arm.

“Armin? You okay? You look a little distraught.”

He pictures Annie nearly throwing him after he told her that he didn’t want to cancel then storming out of his room. He remembers hearing the front door slam shut.

“It’s uh … nothing.” He responds calmly, “I’m just a little bummed that she said she had to study tonight.”

Mikasa stares at him, “You sure?”

“Uh … yeah …” he looks at her and smiles, “It’s no big though.” He brightens up. “I’m ready to see some superheroes kick ass with all of you.”

Mikasa holds his hand, he silently appreciates the affection. “I’m excited too, we’ve been waiting since last year for this friend day.”

He decides that he isn’t going to think about it, and that he’ll talk to Annie about it later. For now, he would just have fun to take his mind off it.

***

It was weird enough that it happened.

It was weirder when Annie pretended that it _didn’t_ happen.

She walks up to him while he’s at his locker, soft smile plastered on her face.

She kisses his cheek he’s honestly a little startled by it. Completely expecting a different reaction.

Anger? Sadness?

Instead she calmly says to him, “hey. We going to study today?”

“Uh … y-yeah. Are you … okay?”

“Yeah. Why would you ask?” She gives him a blank stare.

“N-no reason …”

“I have to go to class. I’ll talk to you later.” She kisses him on the cheek again before walking away.

“Sure.” He says after she had already walked off.

***

The second time he noticed something weird were the times where Mikasa was around.

Annie gave her this look. It wasn’t anything new that they hated each other but having them in the same space … it was as if someone could cut the tension in the air with a knife. It became a physical manifestation of anger and animosity, and Annie would always start it. Even when they were all calmly studying somewhere the energy that she had was hard to ignore. She sometimes sent it to Eren too. He was a lot more easy-going and didn’t think much of it but, every time he reached over in Armin’s personal space like he always does and has for years. Every time he laughed and excitedly pat him on the back. Even when he called him a genius _one_ too many times. They could all feel it.

The stare that she gave him.

One time it wasn’t just a look, it was a reaction.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this that way! I’m an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot yeah,” Armin responds, Eren pouts, “but these are tough algebra questions for a tough test. It takes practice. You’re actually doing really well.”

Eren beams at him, “kind words from our genius.”

Armin blushes happily at his compliment, then suddenly feels pain around his wrist.

Before he can even make any real sound or properly react, Annie, who was sitting next to him, yanks his arm towards her. Dragging him closer.

“Watch the compliments Jaeger.” She was nearly seething. “Don’t you already have _two_ boyfriends?”

Eren raises an eyebrow at her, “Gross? Armin is like my brother,” He replies calmly, “the one you have to really worry about coming on to him is- FUCK MIKASA THAT HURTS!” She had pinched his thigh.

“Sick of your jokes _Jaeger_.” She says while giving him a death glare.

Eren smiles, “oh yeah? how did you know who’s name I was about to- OKAY! OKAY I’LL SHUT UP!” She had pinched him again, this time harder. “Fuck. Damn bitch, pretty sure I’m bleeding.”

Mikasa relentlessly turns her death glare on Annie. She looks like she’s about to jump across the table and beat her.

“You pulled him a little rough. Be careful with him. I’m not going to repeat myself.”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Annie says calmly, “I didn’t hurt you, did I Armin?”

“Actually y-yeah you did.” His arm still stings from where she gripped him.

“Oh.” Is all she says, and she rubs his arm where it was beginning to bruise. “I’ll be more careful.” She says looking directly at Mikasa.

***

Most of the time things were fine when they were alone.

Armin was convinced he was falling for her. Hard and fast, bracing for impact.

She initiated their first kiss. It was slow, gentle, and intoxicating all at once. It felt like something he could’ve only dreamed of.

“You’re a natural at this.” Annie was running her hands through his hair. Her legs tangled around his as they laid together on her couch. He was on top of her, could feel her heart beating through her chest, or maybe that was his, he couldn’t really tell. The movie they were watching was completely forgotten.

“I-I’m just following your lead …” He says shyly.

She pushes his hair back behind his ear. His face glows redder.

“It’s funny how we’ve been together for almost a month, and you’re still so shy around me.” She chuckles lightly, then smiles as she presses her forehead to his. “It’s like I just asked you out again. You’re cute.” She nearly whispers to him. “I’m glad that you said yes to me. I feel so lucky.”

Armin doesn’t know how but he manages to blush even harder.

“I think you’re really p-pretty,” he starts, she hums, prompting him to continue, “and you’re smart, and you m-make me really happy.”

“But not in a way that anyone else does right?”

“Hm? O-of course not.”

“Good, then I’m doing my job.”

Armin nods quietly, finally looking her in the eyes. She smiles at him wider.

“You’re doing yours too,” She holds him closer, “I think that I can be a little … possessive over the things that I really like. Is that okay with you?”

“Uhm y-yeah, I guess so.”

Her smile turns slightly smug. “Good.”

***

Ymir walks up to him.

“You’re dating that big nosed whale? Annie?” She asks.

“Yeah.” Armin responds, blinking at the fact that she was talking to him. The only person Ymir usually addresses is her girlfriend Krista. The only times she ever really talks to anyone else was if it was something involving Krista. He wondered why she was here talking to him now. Insulting his girlfriend.

“Listen kid. Got nothing against you. As a matter of fact, you’re one of the only other people I respect in this school other than the freckled one,” Marco at it again with his weird magic, it must be the eyes, “take my advice and break up with her, before you regret it.”

“ _E-excuse me_?” Armin asks, a little taken aback, “that’s not … really something that’s your place to say about- about Annie. She’s a wonderful person. Why would you tell me to do something like that?” He appeared a mixture of bewildered and frustrated.

Ymir just sucks her teeth in irritation.

“Tell her to stay away from Historia. That’s all I have left to say to you, or else my threats are going to become promises.”

She walks away from him.

He’s still stunned.

Annie walks up behind him a few minutes later. Gives him a kiss on the cheek. Hugs him from behind.

“What did she want?” She nearly whispers in his ear.

“I-I’m not entirely sure.” Armin responds.

“Did she say anything in particular?”

He turns to face her, holding her hands.

“S-stay away from Krista. She wanted you to know- … I’d like to ask you about it.”

“It’s not really anything to worry about.” Annie says calmly, “Ymir and I just got into a little fight over her one time. That’s all.” She shrugs. “I guess she never really got over it and thinks that I’m still out to get her girlfriend. You know, she’s a little … well she’s really crazy about her girl.”

Armin thinks that that … would make sense. It definitely seemed to be true. She only really talks to Krista. The only times he’s seen Ymir around other people is at parties, after Krista dragged her to them with her. Even then she was always attached at her hip, looking at people who even gave one glance at Krista the she deemed flirtatious or even envious of her beauty. It would also make sense that they’d fight over her. Krista was breathtaking.

“Maybe she was just being protective …”

“Yeah … she can be way too much with it sometimes. Everyone knows that.”

“S-she said something else that really bothered me.”

“What was that babe?” Annie asks softly, “you can tell me.”

“She told me to b-break up with you,” he says reluctantly, “before I regret it.”

Something flashes in Annie’s eyes, but it’s gone as soon as it appears.

She does grip his arm suddenly. Extremely hard too. Just like the first time, in the library, except this time she doesn’t stop.

“And?” She breathes out the word. Her tone is covered in ice. Set to absolute zero.

Armin stares at her wide-eyed. “Uhm Annie … that hurts-”

“ **Armin**. I _asked_ you something. _Answer me please_.”

“A-and? And I told her that was a real mean thing to say about you. P-please let me go …”

She releases her grip almost immediately. Her expression is blank.

She brings where she had her hands around his wrists up to her mouth and kisses him there. He was already starting to bruise. The wound taking on the shape of her hand

“Sorry. I told you … I can be a little … possessive.”

“It’s …”

He trails off. He’s not actually sure if he would consider it okay.

“I have to … go to class … I’ll see you later, at my place?”

“Yeah.” She says smiling as she releases him.

He smiles back, weakly and reluctantly, then walks off.

***

“Hey, what’s this?” Eren is the first to notice. He was always in Armin’s personal space. If he wasn’t holding his hand, he had an arm around his waist, or playfully rubbing his head. Armin really wondered how so much affectionate nature could be packed inside one person. Sometimes he thought to himself that Eren really was made to be with multiple people.

“It was … uhm …”

“That’s a nasty bruise Armin … even for someone like you who gets hurt easily.”

“It was just-”

“It’s in the shape of a handprint. Looks like it hurt.” Sure enough each one of Annie’ fingers could be identified on his arm.

“What exactly were you and Annie doing?” Eren teases, he gives him a flirtatious smirk.

“It-it wasn’t like that. She grabbed me because she got mad.”

Eren’s expression slowly shifts to concern as he registers the words.

He blinks at him.

“She _what_?”

Armin thinks about what he had said, “N-not like that! She wasn’t mad at me!” She didn’t mean to, he had to rephrase it, “She was mad at something else and just … I guess she just happened to grab my arm a little hard without thinking about it … it was an accident … she didn’t uh … she didn’t mean to. I swear.”

“That …” Eren looks him in the eyes, “Armin that sounds really weird. Are you two okay?”

“Yeah! We’re perfect.” He says it almost too cheerfully. “I’m going to study with her after school today.”

“O-okay …” Eren trails off, he sounds reluctant, and still worried, “If Mika sees that bruise and you tell her what you just told me, she’s gonna flip. She might actually slaughter Annie.” A contemplative look crosses his face. “Actually, that might be pretty entertaining to watch.”

“There’s uh, no need to tell Mikasa. Everything is fine.” He says it calmly.

Eren crosses his arms and continues to stare at him.

“She must make you really happy.”

“Yeah she does. I think I’m gonna head home now. Tell Mikasa that … I’ll see her later too. I’m just gonna take off early.” Eren was right about the bruise. If Mikasa sees it, she’s definitely going to overreact.

“Uh … sure thing Armin.”

He walks away.


	3. Turquoise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're here now.  
> Thank you to everyone who has sent me kind words for this so far!  
> This chapter was very difficult to write ...
> 
> Please read these warnings:
> 
> \- Self-harm  
> \- Mentions of suicide
> 
> This fic is going to cover some very serious topics, abuse, emotional manipulation, suicide, self harm, etc., please do not proceed if you are easily triggered by any of these kinds of things. I will put a warning before every chapter. Please read the note at the beginning of chapter 1, and more importantly please take care of yourselves and your mental health!

Winter was approaching hard and fast.

He usually hates this time of year.

Winter for him is usually associated with the feeling of ice _cracking_ against his skull, the sound of haunting laughter in his ears, and the metallic taste of his own blood on his tongue.

When Annie told him that “ _she loved the winter_ ,” she began to change his mind about it, like she was taking an eraser to a board. When he was with her the days still had their same frosty feeling, but she made him begin to associate them with sweet whispers in his ear, soft brushes against his hands, and gentle kisses on his lips instead.

The temperature wasn’t any less cold, or any less harsh, but there was also the warmth of her room that had chestnut colored walls, and the soft feeling of her king-sized bed with its dark blue comforter.

Things felt nothing less than _enchanting_ when he began to realize that she had him completely wrapped around her finger. He didn’t mind the inevitable pull on his spine … the stretch of his limbs whenever she breathed his own name against his lips.

They were in her house this time, in her chestnut colored room. Her chestnut colored room that happened to be three times the length, width, and height of his boring white room.

It looked like it had taken _weeks_ , but she managed to make it extremely Christmas-like with all of her meticulously placed decorations: She had her own tree (which was actually plastic, and bright red), lights, stockings, reefs, and even human sized nutcrackers.

Along with her love of Christmas were the things that she loved to collect. Treasures from around the world that he couldn’t help but marvel at. She had different types of seashells from every beach she’d ever visited, displayed in a glass case that was hung up right next to her personal library. Each shell is labeled carefully with a date and location. She also owned an almost intimidating number of posters. They were everywhere, cherished valuables that she got from going to movie premiers, and concerts. All framed and hung to be perfectly aligned with each other.

He loved rubbing his hands over her instruments, over the keys of her peach colored Yamaha piano that he sat down at to play the only song that he knew for her, and the paradoxical rough yet smooth feeling of the strings on her violin. It was the prettiest shade of baby blue he’d ever seen.

He loved browsing her library because it was a stark reminder of how they both shared a love of reading. Hers was filled with so many books that it blew his mind. She had classics, instructional books, entire fantasy series he’d never heard of but planned to read during their moments of companionate silence. She also had hidden secrets locked away in that library. Plenty of old journals, and sketchbooks filled to the brim with her thoughts and ideas. Those were his favorites.

There was one journal in particular that grabbed his attention. The spine was etched with all sorts of runes. He could identify a select few; hagalaz, isa, and eihwaz. Change, Ice, and motivation. When he pulled it off the shelf, he realized that it looked like some kind of spell book straight out of a film, or a fairy tale.

It was massive, covered in brown leather, and etched with other black symbols that he’d never seen before and couldn’t identify. There were six gemstones of six different colors going down the midline of the cover; red, green, blue, purple, gold, and black. They were so shiny that they almost appeared to be glowing on their own even before any light could hit them.

_Is this a real spellbook perhaps? Knowing her …_ He thinks to himself.

Annie was laying on her stomach on her bed browsing the internet on her laptop. Her blonde hair was pinned as usual; however, she had an _unusual_ pair of sleek black glasses on her face. Reading glasses that she didn’t really like to wear for fear of the way they made her look. To Armin, she looked nothing less than angelic when she was in her element like this. Truly composed and relaxed. He liked to observe this quiet side of her. Focused and curious on whatever new internet trend that she could come across and share with him to see if he also knew anything about it, or at least wanted to talk about it. She was unguarded and vulnerable with his presence nearby.

He goes to sit crossed-legged next to her and places the book in his lap before gently brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His way of asking for her attention. He receives a soft “ _hmm_?” of acknowledgement in return.

“May I?” He asks while holding up the journal, it’s almost the size of his head. Actually … it’s almost twice the size of his head.

She only smiles at the curious lilt in his voice, “you didn’t have to ask.”

He opens it. On the back of the cover is her name Annie Leonhart in nothing less than _perfect_ calligraphy.

He thinks to himself that her last name was both a powerful, and beautiful complement to her first name. _Leon_ … _hart_ …

“Uh, did you write this yourself?” He rubs his fingers over it, almost affectionately.

“Probably …” she glances over at the book that he’s holding, “… oh _that_ one … yeah. Back when I was thirteen and _really_ into making my words look _really_ fancy.”

“That’s quite a skill you’ve got there.”

She hums, “time consuming though. I remember getting upset when I realized I didn’t have the kind of time to make all my words look like that for everything I chose to write,” she stands up and leaves him to go get something from her cubbies in a corner of the room. It looked like red and black ink, and a large sheet of paper. He stares at her curiously as she heads to her desk.

“Don’t let me distract you, feel free to keep looking.” She smiles at him before sitting down and beginning to work.

He obeys. The first page is blank.

As he turns it he sees a drawing that spans two full pages. It’s of a roaring tiger.

The animal itself is white, blue, and black, with all three colors combining to form the jaws, the entrancing gaze, the powerful unyielding roar that he could almost hear ringing in his ears. The animal feels alive and powerful. He just continues to gaze at it, stunned at its beauty.

“T-these kinds of things are in your head?!” He blurts out nervously. “You can put them on paper like this?! I’m- wow!”

“Huh?” She questions calmly, “which one are you looking at?”

“It’s- there’s- the t-tiger! It’s magnificent. I’ve studied a bit about art and the way you’ve managed to make the colors pop by using charcoal for the black is actually quite amazing! I’m almost in crippling shock that you managed to pull that off given that the rest of it appears to be either acrylic or watercolor paint. You used something else to help smooth out and merge the colors, but I don’t know enough to tell what it is just by looking. Three different mediums combined to reflect the use of the three colors you chose. I imagine they also have deep meaning to you. It doesn’t seem like what you chose to do with all of it wasn’t some kind of accident, or trivial experimentation. There’s completely intentional symbolism here-”

“-You’re cute when you get all nerdy on me and start to analyze things.” She replies calmly.

Armin’s face takes on a deep red hue to her comment. He’s going to end up permanently red at this point. _An actual tomato_ as Eren puts it.

“Thanks,” she continues, “that’s a draft that I made before entering the final piece into an art competition … I was 13 then too … I think ...”

“Uh w-wow, you’re so … you’re really … it’s incredible.” _Honestly, what the heck_ can’t _she do?!_

He keeps browsing.

He found everything from vast landscapes, to random people in random city settings. Sometimes he’d find a note next to a drawing, where she’s analyzing and critiquing her own work or savoring her thoughts and feelings. His favorites were the notes that were short and sweet or frenzied and hurried. For some reason they seemed the most vulnerable and true to who she was:

_Peaceful moment in paris._

_Drifting through walls in Denmark._

_Falling under spells in South Africa._

He finds portraits of her parents. Her mother on one side and her father on another. Next to them were the words mama, and papa respectively. He could tell that she got her calm yet strong eyes from her father, and her hair from her mother. He didn’t ask about it provided Annie never really talks about her parents. He figures the time that she wants to tell them about him will come, and he will get to hear it all then. For now, he will just keep turning the pages.

He comes across one picture in particular that sends shivers down his spine. It’s … off in a way that he couldn’t quite pinpoint at first.

It’s an image of a blonde girl laying on a mattress that looks a lot like Annie’s, in a room that looks a lot like hers too. Most of the colors are dull, and dark. For some reason they make him think of the word _nightmarish,_ and a feeling of melancholy washes over him as he stares at it. The woman appears to be asleep at first until he notices her arm that is hanging off of the bed that she lays on. There’s color on her wrist, a deep dark red.

It’s blood, flowing from an open wound.

She somehow managed to make it look as though it were gushing but disappearing before it hits the floor. More slashes can be seen going up the woman’s arm even though they were painted in black. There’s one small amount of text in the right bottom corner that read’s _Annie’s unspoken fantasy_ next to a date _._

_Annie …_

Does that mean the woman in the picture is …?

He turns the page to see if there’s anything else to see.

There isn’t.

Even though the book still has plenty of pages left in it?

He doesn’t think that’s an accident.

He closes the book, and stares ahead. Can feel tears welling up in his eyes immediately at all the thoughts swimming in his head. One shouting louder than all the rest.

_That was … was that … a suicide note?_

He looks at her as she works at her desk. Calmly, quietly. Just like all the things he knows that she doesn’t tell him.

_God, is it her suicide note? No. I shouldn’t jump to things like that. A wish for death maybe? Some kind of escape fantasy? I don’t like it. I have to ask. I have to ask her about it._

“A-annie.” He starts softly.

“Yeah?” She asks, he can hear a smile in her voice.

“This … last piece in here …”

She’s quiet for a moment after that.

“The one of the woman?” She says, voice level, deadly calm like still water. The smile is gone.

“Yeah … is that … is she … supposed to be you?”

She’s quiet again, only for a few seconds, but it feels like hours as he waits, hoping for a clear no. An explanation that it was something inspired from a movie she watched, a book that she read. Her hand was still for a moment before continuing.

“Maybe.” She says casually.

He looks back to the image. The tears slide down his face involuntarily.

He just gets up quietly and walks behind her then hugs her from behind. His forehead touches the top of her head. His arms are around her shoulders.

She chuckles softly, “glad you decided to this when I’m basically done-”

“-Was that your most recent piece Annie?”

“… Yes.”

“Can I … can I see your arms please?”

She was always wearing jackets with a short mid riff but long sleeves, or hoodies. He realizes that he’s never seen her without one on. Under her jackets were long sleeve shirts that he’d be lucky to see if she ever took her jacket off.

To his surprise, she removes his arms from around her and stands up.

She stands only a few inches taller, but in that moment Armin felt as though she were towering over him as she stared down into his eyes, her light blue ones appear dull and dark since she was turned away from the natural sunlight streaming into her room.

He doesn’t look away; he’s fully gotten comfortable with looking at her now, all the time. He didn’t want to look away. Not until she shows him.

She slowly removes her jacket, then pulls up the sleeves of her shirt.

He looks down and almost gasps, but somehow manages to hold it in and keep a straight face as she shows him what he was expecting but hoping and praying that he wouldn’t have to see.

An onslaught of cuts went up and down Annie’s arms. Different lengths, different depths, probably made from different tools.

Some of them looked recent.

She says nothing. Just keeps staring at him as he looks at them.

After a while more tears slide down his face. The wet feeling almost jolts him out of his shock.

He gently grabs her arm and presses his lips to the cuts on her wrists softly. The gesture apparently slightly startling her because she responds with the softest gasp he’d ever heard.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, “did you feel like you _had_ to show me? You didn’t if you didn’t want. I’m sorry … Annie. This is …”

She continues to stare at him. Wide-eyed now. Listening as he spoke.

“Some of these look new.” His voice is shaky.

She says nothing again, her shocked expression disappears.

“I don’t understand why you’d do something like this to yourself.”

She looks away from him, down at the ground instead.

“I don’t know if I want to tell you why right now.” She says bluntly.

He nods.

“I-it’s not that I don’t want to … more like … more like I just _can’t_. Not now.”

“It’s okay.” He says softly. He rubs his thumb gently against some of the scars before letting go of her. “I think this is only fair.”

She gives him a puzzled look. He lifts his arm, bending his elbow as he pulls down his shirt sleeve and shows her under his upper arm.

“I-I understand.”

She touches the scars and looks from them to him.

“I didn’t know how else to make all the other pain stop. I don’t really like to talk about it but- but there used to be this bully and they- … they wouldn’t _stop_. I had to do it somewhere that my parents could never see … I didn’t know what else to do with myself. Not until I met Eren, and later Mika, but not even they know about it. They don’t know that I was doing it.”

She pulls him close to her in a hug.

“I might do it, but you, you’re not allowed.” She sounds hurt for some reason.

“ _Neither_ of us are allowed,” he shoots back almost indignantly, “you can’t do that to yourself anymore.”

He doesn’t get a response at first but feels her hug him tighter.

“Fine, _neither_ of us is allowed.” She says after a couple of minutes of just holding him.

He hugs her back and smiles. Relishes in the feeling of her playing with his hair.

“What were you doing over here anyway? I missed feeling you close to me like this.” He states it boldly and doesn’t miss the lovesick look and pink blush coating Annie’s face as she pulls away from their hug. She was terrifyingly cute when she let her calm demeanor slip.

“I was … writing your name.”

“My name?”

“Yeah, since you liked the calligraphy.”

She picks up a large piece of paper and holds it in front of her to show him.

His name was written in black and red ink. The coloring only half done. It was surrounded by flowers and … bees?

“Bees?”

“Uh the bees are because …” she starts, “well they’re really intelligent and cute, and you sometimes remind me of a bee Armin. I mean aren’t they also your favorite?” Some of the bees had nothing less than cute expressions, so he wasn’t complaining. They also were his favorite.

“When you’re done, I can have it, right?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah. You can have whatever you want from me … I- I’d give you anything.”

“Thank you …”

She puts down the paper on her desk carefully, and then pulls him close again. Their chests touching as she brings their faces closer together and brushes her lips against his.

“Can we- can we make out now?”

He smiles at her, “you don’t have to ask.” He says in a playful tone before he eagerly merges her lips with his.


	4. Cerulean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys can probably expect slower chapters because the semester has started for me. Sorry about that folks.  
> As usual I'll leave my warning here:  
> -Emotional manipulation  
> -Gaslighting  
> -Physical abuse  
> -Panic attacks
> 
> Remember that this fic is not for the light of heart, the freshly wounded or the easily triggered. Please read my note on chapter 1. Please take care of yourselves and your mental health. The world is exceptionally scary right now. Be kind to each other and lets all try to do our part to make it a little bit of a better place.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is supporting this fic and has left a kind comment for me <3 I read them all even I reply slow sometimes. Ily and thanks for giving my trash writing a chance ; w ; <3.

Annie wasn’t always like this.

“I wanted to hang out with Eren, and Mikasa tonight. They said you could come along if you want.” She was in his room sitting on his bed curiously watching him change from the school uniform into what he deems his only “partying” outfit. A deep maroon shirt with black pants, and a black jacket. Eren was the one who bought it for him. The outfit was pretty much an unspoken promise between them about Armin showing up more often to his parties.

Annie’s eyes do light up when she sees him wearing it. He catches her staring, before she redirects her gaze to the less than interesting floor that just became ridiculously interesting to her.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to just stay here with me? A party sounds like- … it sounds like a lot for me right now.”

He furrows his eyebrows at her comment. Can feel his stomach drop at their moment of disagreement. He could tell it was going to lead to another one of their weird …

… he still wasn’t sure if he could even call them fights.

“Uh … any other time … yeah …” He says awkwardly, his eyes darting away from her. His nails digging into his palms.

Truthfully, she was getting overwhelming for him.

They spent nearly every second together. The mornings. At school in between classes. At school after classes. Outside of school. Even. _The weekends._

Armin’s parents even let her stay the night a couple of times. His was sure his mom was pretty much just as smitten as he was at this point.

_“You’ve snagged such a lovely girl!” His mom exclaims when she sees her._

_Annie smiles shyly and brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear._

_“So different from that loud Eren, I’m just glad it’s not him you’re bringing home to me-”_

_“-Mom! Eren is my best friend-!”_

_“-Oh, but Mikasa is fine. I wouldn’t mind if you dated her either,” she continues unaffected in a bubbly tone. He gently huffed, blushing deeply, then noticed Annie tense beside him. Her eye was twitching at the comments. He grabbed her hand and she nearly squeezed his death in response. He let her._

**_She’s just a little possessive like she keeps saying, It’s fine._ **

_“Annie is the only one I need mom.” Despite her continuing to squeeze the life out of his hand, he brings her hand up to his mouth to give it a gentle peck._

_She calms down a little after that._

**_I’ll just have to convince her that she doesn’t have to feel like that around me. No one else can compete with her._ **

“What do you mean by _any other time_?” She asks the question calmly, but she also stands up quickly, making her energy feel uncomfortably and distinctly confrontational.

He backs away from her a little and wraps his arms around himself as he looks at her. He attempts to hold her unrelenting eye contact, and fails.

“I uh … had plans today. I told you that earlier, we talked about it way before, don’t you remember? And you still came over. I figured you were here because you wanted to … come with me.”

She laughs, almost derisively, “No. I had no intention of leaving to go anywhere else with you. Not unless it’s to my house.” She’s staring him down. He wonders how she’s able to do that so easily.

“Well I-” he starts, then rethinks about how to phrase his words, he doesn’t want to make her mad. “I was thinking … maybe you could spend the night … again.”

Her face brightens at that comment. “Really? Didn’t know that either.”

He raises an eyebrow.

_Pretty sure I told you about the party like a week ago, but, okay? I can’t believe she’s serious about not knowing._

“I was uh … going to surprise you with it, but I wanted to … hang out with my friends first,” he flinches after the words leave his mouth, “Is that alright?”

She walks over to him. He wishes that she would sit down back on his bed. He needs a moment. He can feel himself needing space.

“You don’t want it to be just us today? Do you not want me or something Armin? Am I annoying?” She moves even closer.

“N-no that’s not-.”

“I wanted to spend time with you today …”

“Yeah … but …”

“You don’t want to? Do you hate me?”

He stares at her to see if she means the words that coming out of her mouth.

The look on her face is very convincing.

She really thinks he hates her.

“No just … Annie where is all of this coming from?”

He pulls her closer to him in a crushing hug, the uncomfortable feelings now overshadowed with a cloak of guilt.

“I-I love you. I could never hate you.”

He can feel her react to him as the words leave his mouth.

He’s sure that he can feel her heart pound just a little harder. He feels her arms wrap around him. They make him feel secure. They make him feel safe. They take away the fear that he’d just felt moments ago standing in her shadow.

“L-love?” She says, a little taken aback.

The words felt a little rushed now after he began to process that they came out of his mouth. They’d been dating for 3 months now but … he still wasn’t sure if it was quite … _love_ yet.

He just wanted her to stop beating herself up.

“Y-yeah.” He doesn’t correct himself though. Just thinks that maybe … it slipped out on accident for a reason.

“I-” She starts, overwhelmed, “I love you too.” Her blush is a rich shade of pink, the smile she has on lights up her entire face. She looks enamored, captivated, charmed. All the things that he wanted her to feel whenever she looks at him. It was certainly more satisfying than the intimidating aura she was giving him earlier. If that word was all it took to undo it, he doesn’t regret saying it now. He has more confidence in convincing her to become apart of his evening plans.

“Can we _please_ go hang out with my friends? It’ll be fun. I swear. We’re going to a party that Eren is throwing. A lot of fun people will be there.” He kisses her hand.

She pouts. “I only want to be with you.”

“Come on Annie, _please_?” He gives her the most pleading innocent eyes he could. Her face is still stone cold as she looks away.

“Just this once.” He laughs and hugs her again.

“You probably don’t need to get changed. You look great already.”

“Okay.” She replies.

***

Eren’s party was bigger than he thought it was going to be.

Annie looked nothing less than displeased after driving up to Eren’s ridiculously huge three-story home where they were greeted with pounding music and random drunk teenagers that they couldn’t even recognize scattered in the yard: laughing, and arguing. Some people were even making out in the bushes.

“Really?” Annie deadpans

“It might be fun,” Armin says while beaming.

His words sound empty to him as his unusually high level of social anxiety started to spike, almost making his head spin, after they leave Annie’s car and enter the house. It strikes him just how many people are there. When he spots Mikasa talking to his other friends Sasha and Connie he loosens up a little.

Mikasa hugs him when she notices, him and the others let out chipper hellos. The tension in the air immediately increases from Annie who’d been standing right next to him. She’s glaring at Mikasa. Mikasa glares right back, unaffected by her general level of animosity by now.

“U-uhm …” he eventually lets out as they stare each other down in silence.

“I’m surprised that you _finally_ showed up to something.” Mikasa starts calmly, after Armin watched her take an almost audible deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down.

“The ‘finally’ comment is unnecessary,” Annie nearly spits back, “you’ve been hugging him for a little long.”

Mikasa lets him go but then quickly grabs his hand instead, her grip is like iron, but it doesn’t hurt.

“Armin. We need to talk. Right now.”

She drags him to a different part of her and Eren’s house, a quiet study that seemed to be off limits from the rest of the party. It’s relieving in one sense since he wanted to get away from the crowd anyway, but stressful in another because he had already seen this coming …

He had a bad feeling about bringing her from the start. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t want to bring her in the first place, but she insisted-

No, he didn’t mean that.

He shakes his head briefly to shake the thoughts away.

There’s no way he just thought that. No way that he meant that.

Did he?

“This is getting ridiculous.” He hears as he tunes back in to Mikasa’s voice, strained and aggravated, “You know that I’m trying Armin I really am. I want to be happy for you, I want to support what you have with her. I want to look away from the past, but you know that that’s really hard for me when I actually hate her.”

“I-I know Mikasa, just try to calm down okay.” He starts timidly he’s not even entirely sure of what he wants to say, or what he _can_ say.

“Annie never comes around to get to know us. And when she does, she’s glaring at anyone within 5 feet of you who isn’t her. I can understand her not liking me after what happened, but to dislike everyone? Even Marco? From one glance. You can tell even when she talks to _him_. There’s something definitely wrong there. And she doesn’t even _try_ to let any of us in. It’s a little weird Armin, it’s a little creepy. You’d think she’d start trying to make compromises now that she’s your girlfriend.”

“I-I’ve never even noticed I-” he stammers.

“-I just get the weirdest feeling from her. She reminds me of how I used to be. Before I had to learn how to calm down. You know what I mean. How protective I was over you, and Eren, and even our parents.”

“I know Mikasa, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do about it, I hadn’t even planned on bringing her this evening she showed up at my house without me knowing and I didn’t want to turn her down.” _No,_ he didn’t mean that _, did he?_

Mikasa pauses and stares at him.

“After you told her that you were coming?”

“Y-yeah,” he begins.

“Did you tell her that you wanted to come alone?”

“N-not really … I just kind of said I was going to a party with you guys.”

_I just didn’t want her to show up unexpectedly, but she did anyway._

_No. Stop. That’s not true._

Mikasa sighs.

“I just don’t want to get into another fight with her Armin. And this would be different if it was just me, or if it was just one time, but she’s always this way, with everyone. Eren didn’t even mind what happened that day. He’s always friendly towards her, and she always looks like she’s on the brink of stabbing him when he stands too close to you. We never see you because something always comes up when we make plans. Something involving _her_. It feels like she’s pulling you away from us.”

“She just, needs a lot of attention that’s all. That’s okay isn’t it? I think maybe she is just a little overwhelming because of what happened-”

Annie opens the door to the study, and quietly closes it behind herself.

“Is she bothering you Armin?”

“That’s it.” Mikasa steps to her.

“Mikasa don’t-!” Armin at first thought that she was going to just punch her in the face. Instead she steps to Annie, staring her straight in the eye. Annie stares back, cold and blank.

“We have to talk.” Mikasa says calmly, “If you want to be around him so bad all the time. Fine, but I’m going to say what I have to say, and you’re going to listen to me.” She only gives him a sideway glance as she speaks. “Armin, you can leave.”

“What makes you think I want to listen to you? I don’t have to stand here and do that.”

“You care about Armin, don’t you? So, you’ll listen.”

“I do care about Armin, if it’s something that needs to be said, I’ll hear it from him. Right Armin?”

“ **Armin. Leave.** ” Mikasa says calmly and clearly, but in a tone that Armin knew meant he wasn’t being given an option.

He quietly begins to leave.

Annie give Mikasa a condescending smile before trying to follow him. Mikasa grabs her arm.

“I told you. I wanted to talk.”

“And I said. I don’t have to listen.” Annie grips Mikasa’s fingers ready to rip them off.

“Annie … _please_ … just listen to what Mikasa has to say …”

It was only then that Annie relented. Only a little bit. She does continue to yank Mikasa’s grip off her arm first, but then lets out an extremely frustrated, “ _fine_.”

Armin leaves, unsure of what to do in the wake of what seems to be a storm of their violent tendencies clashing. His stomach churns. He feels like he’s going to throw up.

_I shouldn’t have brought her here. I shouldn’t have come here. It’s my fault. It’s my fault for wanting to be with them instead of her when she needs me._

“Armin! I’m glad you actually came!” Eren walks over to him leaving from where he was sitting on the couch in his living room watching Jean play video games with one arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s. A small moment of proof that they were actually capable of getting along.

“Uhm y-yeah …” He answers giving Eren a vacant stare.

“Dude, you look like you’re going to barf.”

“Maybe it’s because he saw your face.” Jean teases.

“Shut up Jean,” Eren shoots back in a playful tone, “no but really you look sick, are you okay?’

“I’m just uhm … it’s …”

The realization shows on Eren’s face. He wraps an arm around his shoulders protectively, and then walks him to a patio outside. The refreshing night air trying to enter Armin’s lungs helps the darkness clouding his vision dissipate.

“Wait, come here, deep breaths.” Eren holds him protectively, “close your eyes, count backwards if you have to, remember what the doc said before? If you’re feeling one coming on, just breathe, we can even leave here if you want. Do you need to get home?”

Armin started to breathe again. Thankful for Eren’s calm voice and comforting touch.

“No- no. I’m okay.”

“You sure?” Eren asks gently.

“Y-yeah, yeah I’m fine. It’s just Mikasa is talking to Annie right now … they’re sort of fighting I think … it’s my fault … I shouldn’t have wanted to come here today.”

Eren blinks. Then smiles. “Well that’s downright insulting. My parties aren’t good enough for you?” He asks cheerfully.

“A-ah no! That’s not what I meant-” He tries to explain flustered.

“I’m joking. You can come sit down and play games with us. Just relax okay? I’ll go check on my whacko sister in a second. She’s probably drill-sergeant-ing your girlfriend. You know that Mika is really protective. Especially when it comes to you …”

“I-I’m yeah … I’m not trying to be scared …”

“Armin. Dude. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’ll handle it.”

Armin looks at Eren. His smiling confident face actually does manage to put him at ease.

“O-okay.”

“Go back inside and sit next to my hubby. He likes playing video games with you because you’re good at winning them.”

“Okay.” He replies timidly.

“Those girls need to chill out,” Eren walks him back inside, “they’re stressing me out. I threw this party for stress relief.” They’re in the living room again, He waits for Armin to sit next to Jean, “Where are they? I bet Mika took her to the study.”

“Y-yeah …”

“I’ll handle it dude.” He pats Armin’s shoulder and walks off.

Armin sighs. “Hello Jean.”

“Hey Armin,” Jean says distracted while furiously button mashing the Nintendo switch remote he was holding, he was going to lose, “could you please kick Bertholdt’s ass in smash because he and Reiner keeps sending MY CHARCATERS FUCKING FLYING-!” he finishes his sentence with a yell as Chrom goes flying across the screen and the announcers says “ ** _FINISHED!_** ”

“Haha! Suck it Jean. We’re the one-hit-kill _kings_!” He hears Reiner say from the couch opposite to them. “You and the blondie don’t stand a chance.”

Armin had to laugh at their childish banter. He hadn’t felt relieved talking and sitting next to other people in a while.

“Hand me the remote Jean.”

***

Eren can hear Mikasa yelling before he even opens the door.

“-He’s not your property! He doesn’t belong to you! He doesn’t belong to any of us! And all you ever do is look at everyone like they’re trying to take him away, when we’re not! We don’t want to split you two up, and it’s driving me crazy that I even have to sit here and explain this to you-!”

He slams the door shut which causes both girls to stop and turn their angry faces on him.

He just crosses his arms and leans back against the door, looking at both of them quietly. He’s not used to being the calm one. Mikasa only gets like this when it comes to her Armin.

“Are you two done yet? There’s a sad little yellow coconut boy who’s disappointed in both of you right now.”

Both Annie and Mikasa let out a gasp at the same time.

“ _Don’t ever call him that again_ -”

“ _Coconut_ -?!”

Eren just smiles.

“You’re both insane.”

Annie moves to leave, Mikasa holds her arm.

“I’m not finished with you yet.”

“Armin needs me, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time here with both of you-”

“Look.” Eren says, his voice taking on a serious tone, “you’re both acting wild and you’re both scaring him right now. I just had to calm him down from one of his attacks after he walked away from you guys.” They both stop at that, they exchange worried looks on their face, “yeah, and you’re both at fault. Mikasa, I know that you care, but it’s a little overwhelming for him right now. We haven’t seen him in a while. He came here to have fun. He didn’t come here for this.”

Annie yanks out of her arm suddenly and goes into the other room.

Miakasa stares, then lets out a frustrated scream and punches the wall.

Eren flinches at the sound of it, and then his jaw drops at the dent she made.

“FUCK MIKA MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA KILL ME! THEY’RE GONNA THINK THAT’S MY FAULT!”

“GOOD!” She shouts back before pacing back and forth.

He drags his hands down his face and groans.

_Great. She’s raging again._

“I know Mika, I’m worried about him too,” he thinks back to the bruise that was on Armin’s arm, “but I don’t think we should overact. We don’t know what’s going on between them. What’s going on in his head.”

“That girl makes me so mad-”

“-And you need to calm down-”

“-I will once she’s out of our lives.”

Eren chuckles at that, “ _chill_ you fucking edge lord.”

“It’s just,” There are tears in her eyes when she stops pacing to talk to him directly, “it’s frustrating.”

Mikasa stops then sits down on the floor with her legs crossed, she leans forward and places her face in her hands. “She doesn’t have to like me, but there’s something definitely off about her. I don’t want them to be together.”

“That’s not for you to decide sis.”

“I know Eren. Fuck.”

He goes over to sit in front of her. Mirroring the way she was sitting.

“You don’t seem like you accept it though. Armin has you so tightly wound around his finger, that you really lose it when it comes to him.”

“I know Eren,” she says it gently this time, “ _fuck_.”

“You have to let them be,” He leans back against his hands, “but I can understand how you feel.” He gives her a sad look, “I wouldn’t be too happy watching my biggest crush date someone I consider an enemy either, but … there you are.”

“Here I am.” She sighs, he senses that the talking wasn’t helping. They’re quiet for a little while.

“I’m working on it Eren okay. It really isn’t that though. That’s not why I’m freaking out like this.”

“Pfft you sure?” He says slyly.

“Shut up whore.”

He gasps, “That was unnecessary- _Orphan_!”

“Is that supposed to be an insult?!”

“Are you saying me being poly makes me a whore?!”

She glares at him without any heat, and then sighs, “I’m actually worried okay. Annie- something isn’t right. She’s always been cold and callous, but … don’t you think it got worse after they started dating,” Her voice is soft and vulnerable as she speaks, “-and she asked him out of the blue, Eren. Suddenly one day she’s loved him _forever_? Isn’t that _weird_ to you?”

Eren thinks about it, “I-I- … _guess_ …”

“He hasn’t come around us in almost 2 months. Maybe I am overprotective, but that’s weird. 2 months with no interaction Eren?”

The image of the bruise on Armin’s arm flashes in his mind again.

“We don’t really know what’s going on between them, we can’t just assume things, and if you worry about it too much without any proof, you’ll just end up going in circles. Or even worse, freaking him out. I think Armin would tell us if anything serious was going on.”

“I don’t know … there’s a lot that happened to him that he promptly left us out of.”

Eren grits his teeth.

“Well those shit heads were forcing him to keep quiet. He didn’t even tell his parents. That was different Mika,” He tries to relax, “I think you just need to calm down.” He moves to sit next to her so that he can comfortingly put an arm around her, “I know these things freak you out too, but you don’t have to worry. This is different. Annie isn’t like them. Annie isn’t them.”

He feels her take a deep breath in and out.

“Fine. I’ll calm down.”

“Good!” Eren says cheerfully. “ Besides, if you wanna fight her, you have to let me know beforehand so that I can start charging people to watch.”

“You’re obnoxious.”

“Wouldn’t this be the perfect opportunity to do it?! Everyone is here. Can’t blame me for making a profit.”

“You’re gross, get off of me.” She playfully shoves him away. “Thanks. I actually feel calm now.”

He smiles at her, then stands and offers her a hand.

“We should go out there and watch our little coconut kick some butt. We haven’t seen it in a little while.”

***

Annie is sitting next to him on the couch again. Almost hovering as he tries to play. He’d been on a winning streak before she showed up, but with her there, sitting right next to him on the couch, breathing down his neck, and looking over his shoulder while giving him the silent unspoken command of _take me home,_ he began to lose almost every battle.

“What the hell Reiner you’re totally cheating somehow!” Jean yells.

“Kirschtein, as usual, you’re not making much sense. How the fuck does someone rig Smash bros _as_ they’re playing it?”

“CHEAT CODES BECAUSE ARMIN WAS DOING JUST FINE A FEW MOMENTS AGO-!”

“YOU CAN’T BLAME ME FOR YOUR SUDDEN RUN IN WITH BEING SUCKTASTIC-!”

Annie rolls her eyes next to him.

“You lost. Can we go now?”

“I-I was having fun. I wanted to stay a little while longer.”

Annie grumbles angrily as Armin prepares to fight another match, Jean is rooting for him on the sidelines, but then he’s distracted by Ymir walking up to where he’s sitting on the couch, her arm is wrapped around Krista who is glaring at her angrily. She looked like she had been brought there against her will.

He, Annie, and Jean all stare up at them.

“You brought me over against my will for this Ymir?” Krista is complaining and trying to drag Ymir away, but her girlfriend doesn’t budge. “I told you I’m done with the drama. It’s over.”

“Hi Armin.” Ymir says cheerfully, ignoring her protests. She simply shoots a glare at Annie, and then walks away.

“Ymir that was so unnecessary-!” They can hear Krista shouting as they walk away.

“H-hi …?” Armin says weakly as a delayed reaction, he doesn’t think she hears him because at that point she’s already gone.

“What the fuck was that?” Jean leans over to ask Annie.

Annie ignores him, huffs suddenly, and then storms out of the house.

“What the fuck was _that_?” He turns to ask Armin instead.

_I just wanted to go out and have fun. For one night. What did I do wrong?_

He lays back against the couch and sighs frustratedly.

“Dude, what the fuck just happened?” Jean repeats, a few people who were gathered around the game were also looking at him with worried eyes. “You are never involved with this kinda BS. The hell?”

“Armin you okay?” Sasha asks him, she was sitting next to Bertholdt on the couch, her big brown eyes appear worried. “Did those two fight or something? First Mikasa, now Ymir. What is going on with your girlfriend today?”

“I really … wish I knew …” he mutters, wondering how this storm of events all happened from wanting to go out and socialize for _one_ night. “Annie never wanted to come I shouldn’t have brought her.” He honestly didn’t feel like following her out there, trying to talk with her trying to convince her that coming to the party was actually a good idea.

She, Mikasa, and now Ymir have all made it startlingly clear that nothing was okay at the moment.

“If you wanna run to her I got you in the game. Not gonna let Reiner and Bertholdt fucking beat us.”

“In your dreams.” Reiner says.

“NO ONE ASKED. FOR YOUR INPUT. YOU ARE _ENEMY NUMBER 1_ RIGHT NOW. THANKS.”

Armin still felt like sulking, but he had to laugh. “Thanks Jean.” He pats his shoulder tiredly, “please help me get some kind of win after today.”

“You got it dude! I’ll let you know the results.”

***

When he walks outside Annie’s car is still in the driveway. She was waiting for him.

He gets in and feels her animosity radiating all over the inside of the vehicle. He’s surprised the car hadn’t exploded yet.

“What took you so long?” She asks sharply, her tone cuts him.

He’s scared.

He doesn’t want to be alone with her when she’s like this.

“Annie, I don’t-”

He recoils when she turns on him, “you don’t what Armin? Don’t understand what I say when I talk to you?”

His eyes widen with fear. Those words send a terrifying chill through his body, but he can’t tell her that. She’ll get angrier.

“Annie I’m not even here because I was going to leave. I-I wanted to talk to you-”

She cuts him off again.

“-Two people have confronted and insulted me tonight for _no reason_. Your “ _friends.”_ And you’re telling me you _don’t_ want to leave right now?” She grabs his arm. Her grip tight. He’s not even sure if she realizes that she’s doing it, “what kind of boyfriend are you? I don’t understand why you treat me this way. You told me you loved me, and now you’re running away from me, and you’re not protecting me, you’re obviously not on my side for anything! **You never are**!” she was almost shouting now.

He could feel tears brimming in his eyes, but words still won’t come out. He just stares out the front window of the car. He can’t look at her. He’s too afraid of what he’ll see.

She stares at him. Examining his frozen fear. She nearly throws his arm as she releases it. Frustrated with his silence.

“Like I told you before Armin. We’re leaving. Right now.”

“O-okay. I-I’m s-sorry. Whatever you want.” He was crying now, but the tears were silent, and nearly invisible.

Annie shoots him a cold glare before starting the car and heading back to his house. Where she planned to stay the night. Where he invited her to stay. It was too late to take that back.

The car ride is quiet. He’s afraid to move. He’s afraid to breathe. He just stares at his hands in his lap and waits for them to reach their destination.

When they get there, and he hears the door close, and he realizes it’s just them again, she hugs him.

He doesn’t hug her back.

“This was all I wanted. We didn’t have to get through all of that to get back here.”

He says nothing.

She goes to sit on his bed and opens her arms for a hug. A huge smile sits on her face. Armin doesn’t feel like smiling back. So he doesn’t.

“I think I’m … going to go take a shower Ann ...”

Annie almost visibly deflates.

“Oh, okay.” She says quietly.

He gets his pajamas, and then quietly goes into the bathroom.

He does throw up that night in the end.

Vomit violently rips itself out of his stomach when he sees the toilet.

He can feel himself crying even if he can also almost feel nothing now.

He gets in the shower to wash off the day. He has to wash off everything.

 _Things will be better tomorrow_.

_She doesn’t do it on purpose._

_It’s not her fault._

His tears don’t stop falling. The mix with the warm water coming out of the shower head.

_It’ll be better tomorrow._


End file.
